The Motherhood River
by Aki-sama
Summary: ON HOLD. That old saying about how you shouldn't drink the water?  Yeah, it really applies here. Join the Sanzoikkou as they discover their more feminine side and revel in just how easy it is to be maternal.  And it was all Hakkai's fault! Slight Shonenai
1. A Long Way From Normal

******The ****Motherhood********River******

By Aki-sama

_Chapter One:_ A Long Way From Normal

There are things in this world that are not supposed to be comprehended.

However, there are circumstances that we cannot control. Such things as love or family are sometimes non-negotionable. But sometimes, we don't want them to be negotiable at all.

For Hakkai, his journey of this thing called fate started on a surprisingly hot and humid day. It was not pleasant for the company he was driving with, and it wasn't at all pleasant for him. But somebody had to stay on the bright side, and that somebody always turned out to be Hakkai himself.

Sanzo was brooding again. In no mood to talk, smoke, or even yell at people, the Holy Monk had become completely mute for the afternoon. This caused practically everyone else to become silent and Hakkai was enjoying the small blessing, as it was not a common occurrence.

"Hey…Sanzo?" Goku spoke up in a subdued voice from the back of Jiipu, "I'm thirsty."

There was a long pause. A couple of orbiting planets stopped, well, orbiting, and a few stars "super-nova'ed" out of existence. Nobody even breathed.

"Oi, Bakasaru," mumbled a dried up Gojyo, who was sitting opposite of the little monkey looking listless, "Aren't you supposed to say 'I'm hungry'?"

"I know," whined Goku in his most pitiful voice (it reminded one of a small puppy on the side of the road, looking skinny, helpless, and just ever-so darling), "But it's too hot and humid today, so I'm thirsty instead!"

"Ch," said our beloved, most witty, charming…eh, never mind, you know who, "It'll save me some money."

"Ara," said Hakkai, voice of reason as always, "I think I see a river." There was a mass crowding of Hakkai's right side.

"Where!?" cried both the monkey and the kappa. Sanzo cocked his gun. Both Gojyo and Goku sat back down. An awkward silence followed.

"Don't worry," Hakkai answered, placating the two in the back, "We'll be there very shortly."

---------

They were there very shortly, only staying there long enough to fill up four (in Goku's case, eight extra) water casks. Hakkai snuck a quick sip of the water while no one was looking. They piled all the water in the back and Sanzo suggested politely that nobody would drink until they got to a town. Mass argument ensued, leaving the water almost completely forgotten.

Maybe the group wouldn't have stopped there at all if they had read the sign at the mouth of the river.

What was it you ask? Hey, you're reading the story right? What are you asking me for? You'll find out soon enough.

---------

"Hey, Hakkai."

"Yes, Gojyo?"

"Did you notice anything weird about this town?" Gojyo poked his head between Hakkai's and Sanzo's. Luckily, the monk was merciful (snort) and didn't hit him with anything sharp and painful. Hakkai frowned slightly.

"Yes," he looked carefully around the town. There were young women, old women, and lots of children. There was only one gender they were missing.

"There seems to be a lack of guys around here," wondered Gojyo, perpetual pervert and 24 hour sex-fiend, "I wonder if they all got killed by youkai or something."

Cho Hakkai nodded solemnly, "I suppose, but I think we will find out soon enough."

Goku was confused. Sanzo just grunted an affirmative.

They eventually found an inn with relatively good housing and absolutely great food. Every bite of every dish was scintillating, and full of flavor. Goku was temporarily blissed out. There was no stopping him, and he ended up eating the rest of the food supplies for the inn. The innkeeper didn't bother getting angry, as he was getting a substantial amount of payback via a little golden card. The waitress that was serving them was a beautiful, raven-haired bombshell. She smirked as Gojyo tried to hit on her, and eventually she just ended up throwing a large, rather dead fish at his head.

It worked.

She was also the one who ended up showing them to their respective double-bedded rooms.

"Rooms 39 and 58 are yours," she pointed at both of them with her free hand. The rooms were, for some weird numbering reason, right next to each other. After handing them their respective keys, she nodded each one a goodnight and headed back downstairs.

Hakkai had roomed with Gojyo, partially because he thought it would cause less property damage, and also because he enjoyed playing card games with him and beating him no matter which gambling cheat Gojyo pulled. Plus, Goku could actually control Sanzo's temper fits, and vice versa. Hakkai didn't really like being a mediator the entire time.

Both parties went to bed peacefully and Hakkai thought rather comfortably to himself that today had been a fun and enjoyable day.

Next morning, it all went downhill and straight into Hell itself.

-----------

Gojyo was up at 5:00am.

This was not normal.

It was also not normal for Hakkai to be waking him up this early. Not on purpose, mind you, but Hakkai was not being himself.

"Oh, good-morning Gojyo-san!" chirped Hakkai's voice from the bathroom at an unnaturally higher pitch than was normal for a guy. Gojyo frowned. He leaned against the wall and sighed. Hakkai had woken him up at five because Hakkai was splashing around in the tub. Water always woke up the red-haired kappa, and he couldn't get back to sleep after that. Once he heard water, there was no turning back.

He heard movement from behind the door, and it opened.

Now, Gojyo was not the smartest man in the world, especially not in the morning, but he was prone to notice some drastic changes on a person, most principally on his friend.

There was the obvious height difference. Hakkai had gotten a whole head shorter during the night. Gojyo's eyes never really told him the truth at this ungodly hour, but this, he was sure of.

Next, there was the length of his hair. It reached down to a little past his shoulders. Gojyo, even with his fuzzy eyesight (mainly due to sleep deprivation and the weird thoughts telling him that it had been that long for as long as he had known him) couldn't miss something as obvious as that.

Then, and this is the kicker, there were the curves. Oh yes, Gojyo knew what a woman's curves should look like. And Hakkai, at the moment, had the curviest of curves he had ever laid eyes on. This, in itself, was already disturbing.

"H-Hakkai?!" the crimson kappa shrieked and backed up to the edge of his bed. Hakkai, who hadn't opened her eyes yet, nodded an affirmative cheerfully and walked right up to Gojyo. The sudden movement surprised Gojyo, and he ended up sitting his ass down on the bed.

It was at this moment that he noticed the most major change in his friend this morning.

Hakkai had wonderfully extravagant décolletage, which was, at the moment, hanging right in front of Gojyo's face.

"Ohayo, Gojyo-san," smiled Hakkai in his (or I should say her) usual cheerful manner. Hakkai's eyes were not open, but for some reason, she was finding her way around just fine.

Gojyo, however, felt like fainting dead away.

"O-Ohayo…"

"Would you like some breakfast this morning?"

"Um…"

"Oh come on," murmured Hakkai in a sound that was very much akin to a purring Siamese, "Don't you want some nourishment?" Hakkai leaned in, revealing more and more and…well, more.

In Gojyo's defense, the fact that Hakkai had only a very baggy/revealing shirt on with no pants at all was very distracting.

Hakkai leaned forward still, put her arms around Gojyo's neck, and straddled him with an uncharacteristic Cheshire cat grin on her face.

Gojyo gulped.

---------

"Good morning, you perverted kappa!" chuckled Goku with glee, "Sleep well?"

When Goku didn't get an immediate response, he took a look at Gojyo to see if his partner in crime was, in fact, dead.

"Oi!" he hopped into a chair and stared at the perverted kappa. His eyes were cloudy, and his face was flushed with a red akin to his hair.

Gojyo seemed to be lost to the world.

"Hey! I'm talking to you, baka!" Goku yelled loudly. Gojyo merely blinked, an expression of shock still fixed permanently onto his face. Still, no response.

"What's the matter with you?" asked Goku worriedly, "Are you sick? Do you have a fever?"

"Ha—Hakk—he….he…."

"What!? What did who do?" Goku was ready to go fight the person/youkai who gave Gojyo such a shock. He waited for Gojyo to finish, as it was obvious he was trying very hard to get something across.

"Hakkai—he's changed."

"What—?!"

"Ohayo, Goku-chan!" cried a kind, feminine voice from the kitchen. Goku looked up curiously. There had only been one waitress the night before, and Gojyo had hit on her, so she probably wasn't serving them breakfast. Goku's brow furrowed in thought. So, who could it possibly…?

Goku would have screamed if his vocal chords were at all capable to do so.

When he had turned to face the voice, he saw at first Hakkai with food in his hands. Then, as Goku's eyes wandered from the food, he saw that the person standing there was a girl. Connections formed relatively (and unusually) fast in his head, and he sat as still as stone.

If Goku had a mirror, he would have noticed that his face would have been an exact replica of Gojyo's.

"…."

"What the hell is all the yelling about?" Sanzo entered the room. He took a look at the monkey and the kappa, and found them staring in one woman's direction. "What the hell is wrong with you two?"

No response, but there was a quiet squeaking noise that was emanating from Gojyo's mouth. Sanzo sighed. At the moment, the dark-haired girl who was standing in front of him smiled brightly.

"Good morning Sanzo-san!" she said with a cheerfulness usually reserved for rabbits, other fluffy animals, and that damned bluebird of happiness that Sanzo kept on hearing about.

"Who are you?"

The girl shook her head, "I am astonished that you don't know who I am Sanzo-san." Sanzo only frowned more deeply in annoyance. He pulled out his gun.

"I asked you a question," he stated simply. He noticed then, that the girl had on a dark green bandanna and had been keeping her eyes closed the entire time.

"What? But, I'm Hakkai, you silly!"

Another orbit-halting silence filled the room.

Sanzo dropped his gun and walked quickly over to where "Hakkai" was standing. He put his arms on her shoulders, and roughly shook her awake.

It was then that Hakkai opened her eyes and came back to the land of the living.

"Ano…Sanzo?" asked an innocent Hakkai. Sanzo dropped her like a hot potato and quickly backed off, a wide-eyed expression forming on his face (rather identical to Gojyo's and Goku's at the moment I'm afraid). Hakkai clutched her throat; was she catching a cold?

Goku acted first, "Is that you Hakkai?" The boy's tentative voice caused major worry for our little Hakkai.

"Why wouldn't I be?" asked Hakkai, completely lost. It was then that she acknowledged a concern, "Why are you out here with me at 6:30 in the morning?"

Sanzo replied callously, possibly causing irreparable brain trauma, "Because you're a girl, you moron."

Yet another orbit-shattering silence ensued.

Hakkai stood in the middle of the room, and was swiftly aware that she was wearing a very fluffy apron. With bunnies on it. Hakkai knew that Sanzo may have been joking when he told Hakkai that she was a girl, but Hakkai knew that Sanzo never made jokes like that unless he was seriously inebriated. She scratched the back of her head sheepishly.

"I do believe that I have an important meeting with a mirror," Hakkai said too cheerfully. With the notion of being a girl lodged in her mind, Hakkai realized that the voice she was using was that of a woman's.

She ran to the bathroom and shut the door.

"Oi," announced Sanzo to the shocked pair, "I am going to hit you both over the head with an anvil if you don't wake up NOW!"

It woke Goku up. He shut his gaping mouth and blinked a few times, "Was that really—?"

"Yes, it was," answered Sanzo testily, "Can we move on? I would like to eat breakfast sometime this century." Walking behind Gojyo, Sanzo kicked the kappa out of his seat and onto the table.

This was indeed enough to awaken him out of his stupor.

Gojyo choked on air, "What did you do that for?!"

"You weren't breathing, I thought I was being charitable," replied Sanzo. Gojyo rubbed his head, and then stopped.

"Um, that wasn't who I thought it was right? I mean, this whole thing is a nightmare, right?"

"If your head hurts like it should," Sanzo responded coolly, "Then you are not dreaming, and I wouldn't be this pissed off right now."

--------

Hakkai stood in front of the mirror.

It was most definitely odd to see someone else when you look at yourself in the mirror. One looks at a mirror for a couple of decades and never expects one's face to change excluding the effects from age. But here she was, staring back at himself and seeing a woman.

She was beautiful, and Hakkai was sure that she would have told her so, if not for the fact that she was Hakkai herself. Same color of hair (though a little longer), eyes, and the same overall look as the male Cho Hakkai. Just…female (a.k.a curvier and with breasts).

This was so weird. Hakkai leaned back against the wall and sighed. Then, being the level-headed person she knew she was, Hakkai opened the door and strode back downstairs.

--------

"Do you still want breakfast?"

The soft voice called from the shadows, causing Gojyo jumped straight into Sanzo's arms 'eeping'. The monk turned a beautiful shade of puce before reacting.

"YOU PERVERTED KAPPA!!!"

Wham.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow…" muttered Gojyo in pain and on the floor.

Hakkai giggled. The total force of that sound silenced everyone in the room. Hakkai frowned delicately.

"Now, now, I'm not that scary now that I'm female," asked Hakkai, who looked a little teary eyed. This made even Sanzo look around for an exit.

Goku and his stomach jumped in to save the day. "Hakkai! I would love breakfast! Are you almost done?" Hakkai smiled at the boy and nodded an assent.

"Yay!"

"Are you sure you want to do anything in your 'condition'?"

The voice had come from the kitchen door. The foursome turned their heads as one and beheld the raven-haired girl from last night. She was looking on at their antics with a knowing grin, and a sharp knife. Gojyo only saw the knife.

"Ara," murmured Hakkai, "I would prefer it if this bit of news not reach beyond this village." The girl laughed.

"Don't worry, I'm only interested in your well-being," she assured him. The Sanzo-ikkou was not convinced. "No, really!" she insisted walking over to the nervous Hakkai, "Hello, my name is Hoshi and I can tell you why you are the way you are as of this morning."

There was a mass crowding around her and she laughed out loud, "No need for all of you! I just need to talk to Hakkai-san," she gave the evil eye, "Alone."

Sanzo immediately got up and left. Goku followed reluctantly and sulked up the stairs. Gojyo was the only one still standing.

"Ah, Gojyo—,"

"I know," Gojyo waved his hands as if to brush off Hakkai's worries, "I'm leaving. But I want you to tell us everything, got it?" He waggled a finger in Hakkai's direction. Hakkai's tense smile eased itself into a more comfortable position. Gojyo looked taken aback. Hakkai was actually smiling a smile. Not just one of those placating smiles, or worried smiles; Hakkai was smiling from her heart.

"Arigatou Gojyo."

"Sure, sure…" and with those parting words, Gojyo wandered back up to his room. He was smiling mischievously, which was never a good sign.

_Hmm, I wonder if I should tell him what he did to me this morning…_.

---------

"So, what happened to me?"

Hoshi had designated a table outside. They were having tea, but for Hakkai, it wasn't as calming as it usual. The 18-year old girl set her tea set down and looked at Hakkai seriously. Hakkai braced herself for the worst.

"Did you pass by a river on your way here?"

Hakkai felt as though cold ice had been poured down her back.

"Yes," Hakkai answered tentatively, getting the ominous feeling that this conversation was going to only get worse, "We were all thirsty, and I snuck a sip of water when no one was looking. No one else has drunk any of it thus far."

Hoshi breathed a sigh of relief, "Good," she said happily, "Because that is the river that grants motherhood."

Hakkai froze. The teacup shattered in her hand.

"Yup, blessed by the Kanzeon Bosatsu herself, the river helped this village after we were devastated by a plague. It only killed men, and we were left to rebuild this village. We prayed, since we were stuck out here in the middle of nowhere, with no hope having any men come by soon enough, that we could have an alternate means of having children," she paused and looked at Hakkai, who was silently shaking, the teacup in forgotten pieces on the floor.

"I-I'm sorry about the cup," stuttered Hakkai, "I'll pay for it." Hoshi gave Hakkai a funny look. She sighed.

"No you're not pregnant."

Hakkai smiled wearily, "Thank the Kami." Hoshi frowned suddenly and turned her head skywards.

"I wouldn't do that just yet," she muttered, "I remember that men who drink from the river do get pregnant, I just don't know when (or how)."

Hakkai refroze.

"The thing is, the women of the village were in kind of a hurry to have children," Hoshi grinned nervously, feeling that Hakkai might just crack and try to kill the messenger, "The women who do drink from the river conceive and give birth within nine days instead of nine months."

Hakkai was making little frightened rodent noises. Hoshi immediately wished she hadn't said anything.

"I mean," she began loudly, trying to snap Hakkai out of it, "That's only for women, I don't know about men." She shrugged lamely, "It's never happened before."

Hakkai nodded slowly. Then, very carefully, she got up and started walking to the doorway. Hoshi quickly got up and called to Hakkai, "I'm very sorry for dropping the bomb like this!" She bowed her head in apology.

Hakkai smiled weakly, "Sorry, I do appreciate the information, now I can—," she cut herself off in the middle of her sentence, "Oh no." Then, with her eyes widened in fear and worry, Hakkai exited, apparently pursued by an invisible bear.

---------

"Man, I can't believe it."

"Hn."

"Yeah, Hakkai as a girl!" cried Goku in disbelief from his position on the floor. Gojyo lay in a spread-eagled position on the bed, messing up his hair on purpose. Sanzo, predictably, was reading the newspaper.

"Why are we so calm about this?" asked Gojyo, muffled by the amount of hair he had on his face. Goku stopped tinkering with the pattern on the floorboards and looked up at the ceiling.

"Maybe because we've seen weirder," Goku uttered thoughtfully. Sanzo snorted, agreeing mentally that if all they had to deal with was a male-turned-female Hakkai, life would be soooooo much easier.

Gojyo could not stop thinking about this early morning. It was really troubling him, since he found himself not only enjoying Hakkai more as a girl, but also because he was starting to think that the "incident" that happened early this morning had caused a circuit to be shorted in his brain. She made him more nervous then he had ever been around a girl (especially since it was still Hakkai, though Gojyo was still unsure about this morning). Still fuzzy headed and jittery he yelled in surprise when the door slammed open and a blur that looked like Hakkai rushed in.

"Where are those water flasks!?" she cried, breathless. Sanzo stared at Hakkai before pointing at the table, where four flasks of water lay. Hakkai immediately snatched them and dumped their contents out the window, as if expelling a demon.

"Hm," wondered Sanzo in his normal baritone, "The water from the river did this?" Hakkai, still a little breathless, nodded a yes. Several foreheads were wiped in relief.

"Thanks for getting rid of it then," Gojyo smirked, "And why are you still out of breath, did you forget what rooms we were in?"

There was a slight crackle in the air as Hakkai formed an expression that was feared by almost everyone (who had a brain) on this earth. She gave Gojyo the Angry Eyes. Everyone knew that Hakkai never got worried or upset about the little things, but sometimes, like now, the little things aren't so little, and tension builds up a hell of a lot easier.

Gojyo whimpered.

"I am not used to this body," answered Hakkai maturely, and Goku hid himself behind Sanzo, "I don't think you would like running from the courtyard two blocks from here and running up the stairs with these would you?"

Once Gojyo actually looked at what Hakkai was pointing at, he felt very lightheaded. Goku peaked out from behind Sanzo and started laughing uproariously. Sanzo, of course, was expressionless.

Gojyo did not move. Hakkai marched out of the room. Sanzo grunted and went back to reading his newspaper.

Goku kept on laughing, "And you have to share a room with her!"

Gojyo hit the monkey with a shoe.

---------

In the evening, Gojyo found himself sitting at a table that contained vast amounts of good food (courteously made by Hoshi-san), and amiable conversation. Hakkai had restored her good mood and took to laughing at even the littlest things. She still hadn't told the entire story that much was certain. The rest of the group just supposed that she would spill the beans later tonight, when she wasn't as shaken up.

"That was great Hoshi-san!" crowed Goku. Hoshi smiled broadly.

"It's great to hear that someone likes my cooking."

"Of course it's good," said Hakkai in a warm voice. Gojyo glanced at the brunette. She was wearing her usual clothes, just readapted to fit her new form, and a little more baggy than usual. She really was beautiful, in classic way that made other women wish they were her. Good bone structure and a great body (not to mention great tits); Hakkai had turned into the kind of woman that gave the regular man wet dreams.

"Gojyo?"

Gojyo shook himself out of his reverie, "Huh?"

Hakkai smiled curiously, "You were staring at me, is there something you want?"

Goku grinned evilly, "Hey, Gojyo," he snickered and elbowed him in the ribs.

Sanzo narrowed his eyes but said nothing. Hoshi, following up Goku's suggestion, smirked and spelled it out for them, "You thinking 'special' thoughts about Hakkai, eh Gojyo-san?"

Mass blushing occurs.

"Of course not!" replied two voices in unison. Gojyo stared at Hakkai in surprise, and Hakkai stared back.

Goku and Hoshi pointed as one and squealed, "Look! Their blushes are bruising their cheeks!" Neither of the accused knew what to say. Sanzo's eye twitched.

Goku stopped pointing and glanced at Sanzo, as he had felt a disturbance in the Force. Sanzo had put down his newspaper and was now polishing his gun.

Nobody missed this "subtle" hint to knock it off.

"I would prefer them to not die of embarrassment before Hakkai explains to us what exactly happened," Hakkai and Gojyo sighed in relief, but only before Sanzo continued his little speech, "Even if they do want to fuck each other like rabbits in heat."

"WHAT?!" screeched Gojyo, reaching the decibel of sound that usually shatters wine glasses. Everyone at the table (sans Sanzo and Gojyo), started laughing, even Hakkai.

The dinner included Gojyo yelling, Hoshi and Goku pointing and laughing, Sanzo with his harisen, and Hakkai smiling good-naturedly all the way through. It was a very good dinner.

Once they were upstairs and in their rooms, Hakkai settled herself comfortably on one of the beds and proceeded to explain the very strange circumstances.

By the end of the explanation, even Sanzo looked like he felt sympathy, even though Hakkai was the one who went to the river in the first place.

"So, you're gonna get pregnant," Goku shuddered at the word, "but you don't know when or how?"

"Precisely."

"Is there any cure?" asked Gojyo from the floor.

Hakkai shook her head, "Hoshi mentioned none."

"Great," growled Sanzo.

Hakkai shrugged, "I suppose you could always pray to the Kanzeon Bosatsu to lift the 'blessing'," she rubbed her stomach worriedly, "She was the one who blessed the river in the first place."

Sanzo made a facial expression that can only be equated to shock in his world.

"What? That hag blessed something?!"

"Yes, unfortunately."

Far up in Heaven, Kanzeon Bosatsu laughed her merry little ass off. As the Heavens shook with her mighty guffaws, Kanzeon-sama wondered idly if this could get any better.

"So, you don't know what would make you p-pregnant?" Gojyo stuttered on the word.

"I'm sorry to say this, but no."

Gojyo leaned back and blew out the smoke from the cigarette he had previously lit and sighed wearily. Hakkai smiled nervously. Gojyo took one look at her and sighed again.

"Wonderful," he muttered under his breath. Reaching over across his bed, he grabbed the water flask that Goku had brought with him from the kitchen. "You'd think that giving us thousands of youkai to battle everyday was bad enough…" he paused as he chugged half the flask, "but noooo…." He finished of the flask and tossed it on the floor. "You know," he stretched his arms behind his head and yawned, "If one… just one more weird thing happens this week," murmured Gojyo as he started to feel sleepy all of a sudden, "I'm going to go completely… bat shit."

Zonk.

And thus Gojyo retired for the evening.

The rest of the Sanzo-ikkou stared in amazement.

"Since when does he go to sleep this early?!" cried Goku in utter amazement. Hakkai blink-blinked. Sanzo just snorted and shoved Gojyo and Hakkai out the door, closing the evening's discussion with the words, "We'll discuss this in the morning."

As Hakkai dragged Gojyo back to their room, she wondered briefly what she had done this morning. All she could really remember was waking up in the middle of the dining area with Sanzo shaking her shoulders. What did she do before then? She must have been awake enough to take a shower and go downstairs by herself, so what did she do earlier?

_Oh well_, she thought sleepily, _I guess I'll ask Gojyo tomorrow morning when he's awake._ She yanked Gojyo onto his bed, and realized how much she was lacking in the upper arm strength department. Gojyo seemed to weigh 3 times as heavy now that Hakkai was a girl. Since Gojyo was so tired and Hakkai didn't wake to wake him, she took the floor.

_Tomorrow_, thought Hakkai as she drifted into her own exhaustion, _is going to be very interesting_.

It's really too bad that Hakkai was always right.

* * *

Allo!

If you knew me, you would be surprised at how fast I finished this chapter. Seriously.

**DISCLAIMER**: I own—Ano, can I at least own Hakkai? (gets hit with a flaming log)-- ITAI! Ok, ok…sheesh.

I own nothing. So suing me would get absolutely nowhere.

Sanzo: If we were real, I would kill you, not sue you.

Aki: Demo…

Gojyo: Yes, KILL.

Aki: But...

Goku: I can't believe you did that to Hakkai!

Aki: But I had to! See this? holds up a plot-bunny with absolutely terrifying looking fangs (its chewing on a carrot)

Sanzo-ikkou: YAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Hakkai: Maa…what a large bunny.

Aki: It would have killed me!

That's why my evil little brain made me come up with this story, because it would have eaten me from the inside out like the little parasite it is. I hate plot-bunnies.

Preview for Next Chapter:

The woman standing in front of the mirror had hair that looked like it was on fire, at least, when the sun shone on it. Goku watched, mesmerized as the red hair was flung about. The single strands that were caught in the sun's rays looked like sparks from when metal clashed on metal. Then the woman noticed Goku's presence and turned to face him.

Goku froze. The face staring at him (even if it wasn't exactly the same) was Gojyo's. Goku's thoughts whirled.

_No_, he thought in a daze, "It can't be!"

_Aki-sama_; forever on Hiatus with everything else (sorry 'bout that folks who read my other stuff, I'm working on it).

P.S. I know that there weren't very many typical fights with Youkai or fights with Gojyo and Goku over any little thing. Thos will come soon. Yes. Very soon.


	2. Learn the Hard Way

**The Motherhood River**

By Aki-sama

_Chapter Two:_ Learn the Hard Way

As the dawn oozed its way through the windows and into the innocent room, a certain golden-eyed saru closed the door and continued making his way down to the kitchens. Hoshi said that she had left out food this morning so that Goku wouldn't get too hungry before his actual breakfast.

Goku silently prayed to every food god in the Heavens to thank them for letting him meet Hoshi. She, with the exception of Hakkai, was always willing to give out food.

Creeping down the hallway, he noticed a flash of red from one of the communal bathrooms. Goku, being the insatiable little ball of curiosity that he was, decided to investigate.

Another flash of very familiar bright red hair; Goku became suspicious.

As he poked his head around the door frame, he saw…fire.

The woman standing in front of the mirror had hair that looked like it was on fire, at least, when the sun shone on it. Goku watched, mesmerized as the red hair was flung about. The single strands that were caught in the sun's rays looked like sparks from when metal clashed on metal. Then the woman noticed Goku's presence and turned to face him.

Goku froze. The face staring at him (even if it wasn't exactly the same) was Gojyo's. Goku's thoughts whirled.

_No_, he thought in a daze, "It can't be!" he said that last part out loud. The woman, who looked suspiciously like Gojyo, smiled a feral smile.

"Hello bakasaru," she greeted him. Her hair fell away from her face as she cocked her head, and Goku saw two red and very distinctive scars that ran down the woman's cheek. The monkey had no more doubts. This had to be Gojyo.

"Er…yo," he answered back, not exactly sure what to say.

It only took Gojyo (or at least, Goku was pretty darn sure she was Gojyo) a few steps to close the space between them. Goku, actually fearing for his sanity, eeped quite audibly and stepped backward a little bit so that he ended up standing terrified in the hallway. The woman inched forward, doing that walk that all women (who know they're good-looking) use.

"Don't worry," the woman assured Goku with a rather sexy smile, "I don't bite…." Goku was so shocked, he didn't even notice when her arms slipped around his neck.

There was a tense pause in which the woman moved her head so that her mouth was a millimeter away from Goku's. Goku could have sworn he saw fangs.

"Hard."

Goku gulped.

And then was promptly yanked backward.

"What the HELL is going on here?" yelled Sanzo furiously. He shoved Goku behind him forcefully. The woman straightened herself back up and glanced in Sanzo's direction, her eyes closed. Sanzo glared with the intensity to melt stone. The red-head pouted attractively, and, taking a moment to think about it, pounced on the monk.

Sanzo, who was not even expecting such a maneuver from the strangely familiar-looking woman, was thrown back onto the floor with the maniac on top of him.

Goku was still in shock from his last encounter with the crazy lady. He wasn't going near her with his nyoibou extended ten-feet out.

Sanzo was annoyed that he couldn't make the bitch move. She had straddled him, holding his hips with her knees, and was now looking down at Sanzo with a smoldering gaze. Sanzo, who was busy currently cursing his inability to move the woman, froze at the sight. She leaned down and without even giving Sanzo the opportunity to resist, kissed him on the lips.

This was, of course, the perfect moment for Hoshi to walk up the stairs, Hakkai to open the door, and Goku to snap out of it.

Everyone was deadly silent.

The strange red-haired woman and Sanzo were still lip-locking it. She moved one hand to support Sanzo's limp (from shock and horror) neck, and ran the other one down Sanzo's side.

There really aren't any words to express the intensity of this silence.

The woman dropped Sanzo's head on the ground with a thud, and lifted her head up to look innocently at the peanut gallery, "What's with you guys? Its only Sanzo!" shrugging, she got up off the floor and walked in Hakkai's astonished direction. "Oi, Hakkai," she jerked her thumb at the bathroom, "You ain't gonna be using that, right?"

This was when Hakkai quickly snapped herself out of her own reverie and raised her hand, "I'm very sorry!" she said urgently.

Hakkai slapped the red-haired woman across the face.

The woman staggered backwards from the blow, then shook her head and opened her eyes.

"Uh, good morning?" She asked, forming a "what-the-bleeding-hell-is-going-on!" expression.

Hakkai took the initiative, "Is that you Gojyo?" The red-head gave her a weird look.

"Of course it's me," she answered in a low soprano voice, "What the hell am I doing awake this early in the morning, and why am I out in the hall?"

Really, nobody had the heart to tell her what went on. Gojyo could tell that there was something seriously wrong here, and she had something to do with it. Not that she hadn't had this feeling before, but….

"And what is the monk doing on the floor?"

The rest of the onlookers honestly didn't know what to say.

Gojyo strutted over to the prone monk on the floor and saw that the normally alive (and angry) violet eyes were blank with shock. Gojyo reacted accordingly.

"Oi, Sanzo-_sama_," she drawled, "Wake up!" She kicked him lightly in the side.

The reaction from Sanzo was not what Gojyo was expecting. Well, to say the least, Sanzo didn't react at all. Gojyo became worried. Sanzo didn't even develop a small twitch in response. _Amazing,_ Gojyo thought with wonder, _I wonder what could have knocked him out so badly_?

Hakkai, with a solemn look on her face, walked over to Gojyo and handed her a mirror. Gojyo took the mirror automatically and looked at her hair.

Then she saw her face. Her face.

Gojyo opened her mouth and screamed. And screamed. And screamed some more. Then she fainted.

-

Hoshi helped Goku and Hakkai move Sanzo and Gojyo to a room and situated them there. Goku was still twitching from his close brush with Gojyo, and was stubbornly trying to avoid looking at the red-haired kappa at all.

Hakkai sighed, a little disgruntled at the fact that Gojyo had been dragged into this predicament. It was, in spite of everything, Hakkai's fault. After all, if she hadn't found the river, they might have already moved onto the next town by know. Hakkai knew that she wanted a break from fighting youkai 24 hours a day, seven days a week, but this wasn't what she constituted as a break.

More like a large misunderstanding. The gods SO must have been on crack.

"And we didn't even tell her what happened…."

Goku noticed the brunette's pensive look and smiled a tentative smile, "Don't worry Hakkai, I'm sure that when Gojyo wakes up, he'll still be in too much shock to do anything!"

"Thank you for your confidence Goku," Hakkai smiled warily, not exactly encouraged by Goku's words of comfort. It was then that Goku and Hakkai noticed Hoshi motioning for them to come downstairs. They followed softly behind her, as they didn't want to wake the other two from their shock induced slumber, and left them in the same room together.

This was later realized as a big mistake, but at the moment, unconsciousness was a good thing.

-

"I found some interesting facts from our town Elder," Hoshi said with nervous excitement, "She says it is true that it takes nine days for a woman to bear a child when she has drunk from a river, but," she held up a finger in front of her eager audience, "men don't necessarily get pregnant!" Goku breathed out a large sigh of relief and Hakkai smiled.

Hoshi still remained serious, "But there is a very easy way to get pregnant."

Goku sucked his sigh back in, and Hakkai stopped smiling.

Hoshi took a deep lungful of air, "You have to kiss a guy."

She waited patiently for the other shoe to drop.

Goku dropped his shoe rather painfully, "So, that means that Gojyo—," he couldn't finish his sentence. Hakkai dropped her head so that her eyes were on the floor. She had never felt so guilty in her entire…never mind. That wasn't true. But this predicament certainly reached the top five.

Goku had one more question, "So, if it takes a girl nine days, what about a boy who's," he paused embarrassed, "kissed another boy?"

Hoshi answered without hesitation, "12 days. Two days to get adjusted, and …well, you know the rest." They did know the rest. It wasn't a pretty picture.

Gojyo woke up. She remembered the mirror. She remembered her reflection.

"Damn it," she groaned while sitting up. A sharp pain lanced through her skull and she remembered hitting the floor.

"Owww…" she mumbled as she sluggishly dragged herself to the bathroom. When she got there, she looked at the mirror.

Damn, she was still hot! Gojyo smirked in triumph as she pulled her hair back. She thanked the gods for small blessings. There were nice curves, with great tanned, toned legs. Oh yeah, and nice breasts too.

_And not as big as Hakkai's_, she thought, a little disappointed. Then she stopped that line of thought and shook her head. _What the hell am I thinking? I'm a guy not a girl! Why should I even care_? Looking down at her stomach, she saw that it had kept her hard-earned abs. She smiled contently.

When she looked at the mirror again, she realized that she still saw herself…just more feminine than usual.

"Gojyo you beautiful hanyou, you can live with this for as long as you need to, you sexy thing," Gojyo laughed to herself, confident she could pull this off without regretting anything.

Then she felt The Chill; a tingle in the base of her spine that traveled all the way up her eyes, making her shiver. She looked in the mirror again and gasped with fear.

"Teme 1…."

Sanzo was standing behind her with his Smith Wesson, looking absolutely terrifying. Gojyo wondered what she had done to make the worldly monk threaten her this time.

"What did I do?"

Sanzo's eyes flickered dangerously, "YOU BITCH!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, and fired at Gojyo's head.

**BLAM.**

"AIIIIIIIEEEEEE!" Gojyo screamed as the bullet missed its target by a millimeter and ran out the bathroom and down the stairs; a very irate Sanzo on her heals.

**BLAM. BLAM. BLAM. BLAM.**

Actually, irate wasn't the only think the monk was feeling at the moment. He was also feeling highly violated, and very embarrassed. All of these feelings equated to something along the lines of DOOM for a certain red-head.

"Seriously- Ack!" she dodged a bullet, "You stupid monk—Eep!" she ducked another one, "What did I DO!" she yelled to the insane "holy" man. The said "holy" man twitched quite visibly while running.

Pretty fascinating how he's able to do that.

"You don't remember…you don't REMEMBER!" cried Sanzo, somewhat melodramatically, "I'LL KILL YOU!" Sanzo fired eight more warning shots that happened to be right next the strange woman's ears and other very vital organs.

**BLAM!**

"HAKKAI!"

-

There were few Very Important Things Goku had learned in his life. One Thing was that plastic, no matter how hard one chewed on it, would never be edible.

The other Very Important Thing that he had learned (to some extent) was that Sanzo, while holding a gun and looking incensed, was not to be messed with. That, along with the other Ground Rules That Should Be Obeyed (an unwritten law book by Genjo Sanzo), were some of the top Things that the little saru had learned over the years.

This morning was a good time to remember every single thing that he had learned over the years and put it to good use.

Running very fast and very far away, screaming, seemed to be the best option.

Hakkai, using a very stern, almost motherly voice, insisted that Goku stay. Possibly because she didn't want to die at this early an age via stress and bullets.

In other words: because she didn't want to be the only one to handle the boiling steam kettle that was Genjo Sanzo.

"Maa, maa," soothed Hakkai, who had explained who Gojyo was to Sanzo (once she saw Gojyo running for her life and a Sanzo who immediately reminded Hakkai of a large, rampaging wildebeest (with the steam coming out of the nostrils and everything!) chasing after her) with a smile, "Repeat after me, 'I will not kill Gojyo."

"I will not," Sanzo breathed deeply while grinding his teeth, "kill Gojyo."

"'I will not shove anything sharp or blunt into Gojyo.'"

"I will not shove _anything_ sharp or blunt into Gojyo."

"'Because we still need him for our journey westward.'"

Pause. Goku shuffled his feet.

"I get it already," growled Sanzo. Hakkai nodded in satisfaction, but Gojyo was still shaking with fear. Wearing a bewildered look on her face, she pointed an accusing finger into the air.

"What. Did. I. DO!" she hollered, finally losing the last strands of sanity that she had been gripping onto like mad. Sanzo turned red, saw red, and wanted to make red.

"YOU—,"

"Gomen Gojyo-san," sighed Hoshi, cutting off Sanzo with an edge of impatience in her voice, "You kissed Sanzo-sama."

"…"

"Sorry, could you say that, again?" asked Gojyo with as little volume as possible.

Hakkai decided to add her two cents, "You almost tried to kiss Goku as well, but Sanzo got him away from you, and I suppose you just went for the next best thing."

Gojyo's mouth opened and shut and opened and shut.

She then proceeded to grab a nearby pillow and scream into it with vigor.

"That's not the bad news Gojyo," whispered Hakkai with a slice of worry to her voice. Goku avoided looking at Gojyo as much as possible, Hoshi was giving him pitying looks, and Sanzo's rage was beyond making a coherent expression of any sort (excluding fury and embarrassment).

Gojyo wondered vaguely if she could just die and go to Hell. There might have been less humiliation involved. And less pain.

Hakkai gave Hoshi The Look. She sighed, stepped forward, and pronounced the really bad news.

-

It was about thirty minutes later when Hakkai came back downstairs to check on Gojyo, who was, at the moment, permanently in a state of shock. Goku had grabbed Sanzo's arm and dragged his holiness back upstairs to give him some water and cigarettes to soothe his anger. Hoshi had left immediately for the town's city hall to see if there was any chance for a cure. Hakkai was left to tending the poor, traumatized Gojyo.

She was still sitting at the table, with a face as blank as a whiteboard. Hakkai felt awfully guilty. This really was all her fault.

It was then that she realized that she was not only feeling guilty, but ill.

She then quickly proceeded to race to the nearest bathroom to hurl herself silly.

-

Meanwhile, Gojyo was having a very odd dream.

"Yo!"

At first, she thought she was looking at herself (when she used to be a he), with her hair cut short. She soon realized that this was not her as a him, but someone else who looked like her when she was a he.

_Man, even I didn't understand that particular waste of breath,_ thought Gojyo, despairingly noting the fact that she was still a girl AND that she was still pregnant (or going to be, whatever, it still counts).

_Oh, I did NOT need a reminder of that little bit of information…_. Gojyo felt queasy as it was.

"You probably don't recognize me," started the doppelganger, "But I was your past life."

Gojyo blink-blinked.

The clone smirked, "The name's Kenren Taisho, did I mention I used to be a god?"

_Oh yeah,_ thought Gojyo miserably, _this dream is going to suck major monkey ASS._

-

Hoshi found Hakkai retching in the bathroom by accident.

"I'm so sorry!" she cried, "I thought I heard somebody in the bathroom—I was worried," she finished lamely.

"It's quite alright Hoshi-san," managed Hakkai as she stood up, "I just feel a little under the weather."

Hoshi gave him a suspicious glance, "Are you sure you didn't, I don't know, KISS someone yesterday?" She crossed her arms.

Hakkai gave her his patented smile, "I'm sure that if I did, I would remember." She rubbed her stomach, as if soothing an untamed animal. Hoshi raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not quite sure if I should believe you," she said with trepidation, "Gojyo didn't remember anything that happened this morning at all." She noticed that Hakkai had stopped rubbing her stomach. Hakkai turned her neck like someone was dragging it, and met Hoshi's worried gaze.

"I don't remember what happened last morning, Hoshi-san," murmured Hakkai, reminiscing, "I only remember from when Sanzo was holding me in the dining room."

Hoshi slapped her hand to her face.

"Oh fuck-a-doodle-doo."

-

"What are you doing here?" said Gojyo, "And why are you talking to me?"

"I thought I could give you some help," answered the look-alike-so-called-past-life-figure-named-Kenren. He grimaced a little, "Even though Konzen's aunt told me not to interfere…."

"Who?"

Kenren shook his head, "Oh, that bit of information is for later, right now I'm just here to tell you that you are going to be fine."

That was absolutely the last thing Gojyo wanted to hear. From ANYBODY.

"The HELL I'M GONNA BE FINE!" she shrieked. Kenren felt the large gust of wind blow past his face and he winced. "AFTER BEING TURNED INTO A WOMAN AND THEN GETTING THE WONDERFUL NEWS THAT I'M GONNA BE A FRIGGIN' MOTHER, YOU THINK I'M GONNA BE JUST FINE!"

Kenren waved his hands to ward off the baaaad feelings of murder that were flowing off the Hanyou like water off rock, "Oi, don't be yelling at me. You're the one who drank the water."

"But Hakkai had already thrown out the water!" argued Gojyo with a noticeable degree of patheticness, "He said it was safe!"

"You trust Hakkai like you would a lover," frowned Kenren, "He can be wrong once in a blue moon ya know."

Gojyo couldn't help the blush that came from the "lover" comment, but she refrained from saying anything to incriminate herself.

Kenren sighed wearily, "I can relate; I was the same with Tenpou," the god's cheeks turned slightly pink, but he was wearing an expression of nostalgia.

"Who!"

"Never mind," snapped Kenren, "I am telling you that you are going to be fine, because you are me technically, and I wouldn't freak out if—ok, that's a lie," he shrugged with casual flair, "But still, don't take it like a disease. You're carrying life! That's gotta count for something, right?"

Gojyo honestly hadn't thought of that prospect before. And was slightly ashamed for it.

"I guess," muttered Gojyo. Kenren suddenly froze, then smiled a smile that was disturbing in both meaning and thought.

"Think carefully about what Hoshi (that cutie) told you just a half-an-hour ago," Kenren tapped his head and pointed to Gojyo's. Gojyo gave an impatient frown.

"I know: 'Any man who drinks from the river gets turned into a woman and then (if he kisses another man) will be pregnant,'" he recited. He frowned angrily, "I mean, what kind of weirdo makes up a spell like that to—," the gears turned slowly in Gojyo's brain, and the memory of Yesterday Morning came to him like a small bomb.

"Oh no…" squeaked Gojyo. Kenren smiled knowingly, which pissed Gojyo off in spite of his abrupt realization.

"Oh yes…and I think you should wake up now," the cheerful voice of Kenren entered his ears, "You've stopped breathing."

And that was when Gojyo came back to the land of the living.

-

"You don't remember anything? Maybe you should ask Gojyo when he wakes up." Hoshi brought out a tray of strong sake. Hakkai looked like she needed it.

"I couldn't have done anything…could I have?" Hakkai spoke softly. Her voice echoed sadness, not fear. Hoshi found that just listening to her could have made grown men cry.

A small noise that sounded like a squeak mixed with a choke sounded from across the room. Gojyo was awake again.

Hakkai looked up from her thoughts and stared at the hanyou with apprehension. Gojyo locked eyes with Hakkai and Hakkai noticed that the red-head had fear written across her face in metaphorically large bold letters. Gojyo stood up, unstable and jittery, and walked with great haste over to where the green-eyed youkai was sitting. Hakkai leaned back in response.

"I'm so sorry Hakkai."

Hakkai widened her eyes in surprise, "What?"

"I didn't tell you what you did last morning."  
Hakkai's eyes and appearance suggested that she already knew what had happened. Hoshi slammed a cup of sake down her throat to prepare herself for what she knew was coming.

"You…"

"Hey!"

Gojyo's declaration of Truth was cut off by Goku's shout. The kappa turned her head so fast that it was in danger of snapping off.

"What is it bakasaru?"

The monkey held up six flasks of water, "These seven are probably from the pile that Gojyo drank. I had filled some up too, Hakkai," smiled Goku, "So it's not totally your fault!"

Gojyo was up over the table and whapping the little monkey in the blink of an eye, "You bakasaru!" she cried with some degree of nervousness, "I was trying to tell Hakkai something important!"

"Itai!"

Hakkai lifted her head up from the table that she had been currently slamming her face into and smiled. Her monocle flashed dangerously.

Everyone who knows Hakkai knows that when the monocle flashes, a disaster of Ultimate Doom proportions is soon to occur. Just think about that theory that says that a butterfly can flap its wings on one side of the world and cause a hurricane on another 2. Yeah, Hakkai's monocle flashing is kind of like that. Sort of.

"Gojyo and Goku can stop fighting now," Hakkai gave a disarming, and yet…perilous smile, "Now, can Gojyo continue what he was trying to tell me in the first place?"

"I—,"

Hakkai changed her mind and interrupted with an immediate sigh, "I kissed you, didn't I."

"Eep."

"It's quite alright Gojyo," Hakkai ran a hand through her hair, "It's not like I gave you much choice, correct?" Gojyo had a look of helplessness on her face. Hoshi was still draining the sake bottle like a Russian to a bottle of Vodka. Goku had a clueless expression on his face, per usual.

Hakkai then acknowledged a disturbance.

"Goku…"

"Yeah?"

"Did you not just say that you had seven flasks, right?"

The little monkey held up the flasks with enthusiasm, "Yep! Right here!"

Hakkai shook her head, "Then why are there only six?" Goku looked at the flasks and recounted very slowly. He blinked innocently. Then his expression changed to one of dread.

"OH SHIT!"

As Goku zoomed up the stairs, Hakkai shook her head wearily. She was going to have to teach Goku math someday.

-

Sanzo was still recovering from the horror of…well; he couldn't even mention the incident in his own head anymore. Goku had dragged him up the stairs and had sat him down in a chair, handed him some cigarettes and a flask of water. There was no sound from Goku's mouth the entire time, and Sanzo wondered if the monkey thought that he (at that particular moment) was too dangerous to talk to.

Not that this would hurt his badass image, it was still slightly disconcerting. Goku was never silent around Sanzo, or anyone for that matter, unless there was something fundamentally wrong somewhere.

He took a long draw from his cigarette and took his first sip of water.

Immediately, he sneezed.

Pause. "What—" Then another sneeze. And then one more, just for good measure.

His sneezing only worsened when Goku sped into the room, startling him slightly. Sanzo, who by now had had enough humiliation for one day, thought that this was the breaking point: The threshold that would cause him to either go insane…or well, go insane. There weren't very many choices left.

"What –achoo-are-achoo-you doing in-achoo-here?"

Goku couldn't help but stare, "Do you have a cold, Sanzo?"

"NO! –achoo- I don't have a cold!"

"But," Goku pointed out with much reason and maturity, "You're sneezing like crazy!"

"ACHOO!"

Sanzo had to admit that the monkey had a case in point, but he wasn't about to say that out loud. Goku saw that the water flask sitting next to Sanzo was still full. He sighed deeply in relief.

"I'm so glad you didn't drink the water Sanzo!"

There was a precarious pause.

"What?" whispered the dangerously silky voice?

Oblivious, Goku plowed on, "I was just telling Hakkai that I had filled up seven extra flasks of water for us to drink to add onto his other four flasks so that none of us would get thirsty! I'm just glad I came up here to dump it out before you drank some of it!" Goku smiled brightly, obviously very proud of himself for figuring out this whole mess.

Sanzo was twitching. Goku felt that disturbance in the Force again, and looked at his keeper questionably. Wisely, he decided to grab the water flask before any damage was done. He stepped out into the hall and went to Hakkai and Gojyo's room to dispose of it (by throwing it out the window).

Although monks and other religious followers try to achieve a mental state of peace and tranquility; a supposedly blank state of mind, Sanzo knew that shock wasn't expected to cause it. He looked sideways at the place on the table where the flask had once sat not moments before and controlled the almost cathartic urge to scream like a maniac.

The option had its perks, but Sanzo didn't scream like a maniac, no matter what situation he was tossed into.

Instead, he grabbed a nearby object and tossed it through the window. He continued to repeat this action with almost everything in the room, excluding his Smith Wesson, the Sutra, his harisen, and himself.

And although the author neglected to mention this before, Sanzo was still sneezing.

-

Meanwhile, in Gojyo and Hakkai's room, Goku was reading a book.

Yes, he was. Don't kill yourself from the shock.

Goku had found one Gojyo's, ahem, books after he had dumped out the dangerous, reality-altering water. He had bumped into Gojyo's bedside table in the rush, and saw a single book slip out. As this morning, insatiable curiosity set in, and Goku opened to the first page.

He was still reading it, enthusiastically I might add, and had many questions to ask Gojyo later, if not Hakkai or Sanzo.

He never knew anyone could bend that way!

-

Hakkai and Gojyo were still sitting downstairs, ignoring each other's eyes, and generally being sulky.

"You know—,"

"You should know—,"

Awkward pause; feet shuffled on the ground.

"Go ahead—,"

"You start—,"

"ARGH!" Hoshi pulled out some of her hair and stomped over to the two women, "Just TALK already!" She grabbed Hakkai's shirt sleeve and pulled the brunette over to the other side of Gojyo's table, sat her down, then slammed her hands on the table.

"You," she pointed to Hakkai, who looked up, "What do you want to say to Gojyo-san?" Hakkai sighed tiredly, and looked directly into Gojyo's eyes.

"I am sorry Gojyo," she started, "I was not myself that morning. Whatever embarrassing position I put you in, please forgive me." Hakkai stopped staring, and she dipped her head down in shame. Hoshi nodded in a diplomatic manner, and then turned her attention to Gojyo, who was busy blushing like mad.

"And you, Red," she pointed at Gojyo, catching the woman's attention, "What do you want to say to Hakkai-san?" Gojyo squirmed on the spot. She glanced at Hakkai's drooping head and felt like she should be the one yelled at. But, and Gojyo knew this from experience, Hakkai wasn't one to make anyone feel guilty, if at all possible. So, Gojyo spit it out.

"OI! Gojyo!"

Or tried to.

"Dammit! Monkey!" Gojyo swung her head around to meet Goku's startled but innocent gaze, "That's the second time you've interrupted me today! I should…just…." It was then that Gojyo noticed the small brown book that Goku held in his hands. Her face went from white to beet red in 2.5 seconds, approximately. Hakkai took interest.

"Gojyo?" the brunette poked her head over Gojyo's shoulder, "What is that little book? I didn't know you like to read?"

"…"

Unfortunately, Goku filled in for Gojyo's speechlessness.

"Nah, you don't have to read!" he exclaimed excitedly, then turned the book around to face Hakkai, "They're just pictures!"

Hakkai stared at the pages of the book. There were the most detailed drawings that she had ever seen.

Of naked people doing a certain horizontal mamba, that is.

"Gojyo! Is it a form of martial art?" asked Goku with wide, shining eyes, "Could you teach me?"

Goku beamed like the sun. Hakkai and Gojyo gave each other sideways glances that both suggested Goku might have been hit one too many times on the head when he was younger…or just too many times in general. Hoshi saw what was on the pages of the "book" and gagged on her sake.

"Where. Did. You. Get. That!"

"It fell out of his bag!" replied Goku to Hoshi and nodded eagerly to Gojyo, "Now, can you teach me?"

Gojyo provided a weak smile, "I think I can't Goku," she turned her head towards Hakkai and smirked with potential evil. Hakkai didn't even need to ask. "But, I know someone who just might be able to."

"WHO!" cried the monkey, who was jumping up and down with excitement. Gojyo pointed back up the stairs.

"Sanzo."

Hoshi choked again, but this time she was trying to contain a laugh that would have shook the house. Hakkai merely shook her head, and snuck away to the bathroom.

Goku's eyes widened even more with the prospect of having Sanzo teach him. He sat down and looked at the now (thankfully) closed book. Hoshi gave up trying to hold her laughter in, and ran to the kitchen. Gojyo sat at the table, looking smug, and possibly, much happier than she had been a few minutes before.

Goku looked at the cover of the book again and scratched his head in wonder, "What kind of Martial Art is Kah-ma Soot-rah, anyway?"

-

Kougaiji was not pleased.

Lirin had snuck off again, probably to find the damn Sanzo-ikkou, and he was the one left behind, trying to cover her butt back at "home."

Eventually, he gave up covering and took Yaone with him to search for his little half-sister.

They had found her dragon at the base of a hill that led out of the forest and into a peculiarly large city. There was a river nearby, but Yaone suggested that they move quickly, so that nobody back at their "home" would become suspicious. He scooped up some of the water to drink and wash his face anyway, as they had been flying on dragons through the desert and the sand had manifested itself in every part of his face.

It was about five seconds afterward that he had felt…itchy.

Yes, itchy. Kougaiji had never experienced an annoyance like it before. He had thought it was…below him to scratch himself anywhere. Just the idea of it was repulsive and demeaning. Yaone was worried, and had wanted to check for poison ivy or some other such thing. Kougaiji refused, stating that he was all right and that they shouldn't be wasting anymore time.

They ran up to the large village and proceeded to sneak inside the gate.

-

"DAMMIT! ACHOO!"

-

Goku had reopened the door and immediately ducked at the oncoming barrage of items that happened to be losing their sense of gravity. Well, none of them were staying on the ground the way most things should.

Then Goku spotted the source of the items' apparent lack of gravity.

Sanzo.

Who was currently cursing life in general and wanted to make his displeasure at it known to people in a far off land, apparently.

"Um," started Goku, "Sanzo?"

The monk took ten deep breaths before turning around to face Goku, a mad look in his eye.

Goku took a safety step back; he had felt that disturbance in the Force again. Man, this was the third time in the past two days. _Not good_, decided Goku.

"What. Do. You. Want?"

"Could you teach me the martial arts in this book? Gojyo says he can't teach me, even though it's his book."

Sanzo read the title cover of the book that Goku had thrust into his face, and felt ill. This was one subject that he did not need to discuss with ANYONE. Let alone, Goku.

"I really want to learn!" cried Goku the oblivious, "I wanna know how so I can use it on Kougaiji!"

The images dancing around in Sanzo's head were very un-monk-like. Then again, Goku's earnest desire to beat Kougaiji was not helping. Realizing that deep embarrassment would be imminent no matter what he did, Sanzo did the next best thing.

He ran away.

"Sanzo!" cried Goku as he followed the monk out the door, "Come back! I just wanna learn how!"

-

In the evening, night came, like it was supposed to.

Sanzo, tired and exhausted from running around, stormed into Gojyo's bedroom and slammed the door behind him. Gojyo, wearing only her trousers and a white shirt, could only stare at the sudden invasion. Hakkai looked up from her book with surprise.

"I can't take it any more" Sanzo yelled at Hakkai. "He's driving me CRAZY! I'm sleeping in here tonight," he pointed both forefingers at Hakkai and Gojyo, "and you don't get a say in it because this is ALL YOUR FAULT"

Gojyo arched an amused eyebrow at the angry monk. "Lover's quarrel"

"ACHOO!" there was a pause before Sanzo sniffled in indignation, "SHUT UP" Sanzo stomped over to the bed, threw himself onto it, and closed his eyes.

Gojyo controlled her desire to laugh before attempting to evict the not-so-gallant monk. Hakkai looked concerned"Sanzo, I'm sure if you discuss things..."

"Piss off"

Gojyo, who was now crowded by Sanzo on a small single bed, was not pleased"Um... this is MY bed"

"Not any more it isn't." Sanzo curled into an angry ball and proceeded to ignore Gojyo.

"Very well then" Gojyo swung onto the bed and made herself comfortable. "At least you don't take up much space."

Sanzo ignored the implied insult and let out a fake snore.

The two lay there for a few minutes without speaking. Hakkai returned to her book.

"So... what did Goku do this time" Gojyo asked, finally.

"Shut up."

"You know, I went back to my room a little while earlier," she lied blatantly, "and I couldn't help but notice that there was a book missing from my bag..."  
"SHUT UP"  
Gojyo's mouth twitched. "Did you get a chance to examine position number 9"  
"If you say ONE MORE WORD I swear I'll kill you."  
Gojyo grinned at the ceiling and remained silent for a few minutes before casually rolling over to face Sanzo's back. Gently she stroked a hand down the monk's side and purred seductively as she reached Sanzo's hip.  
"How about position number 16"  
There was a long silence and then a strangled shriek.

Hakkai looked up from her book with a flat-eyed stare. Gojyo was currently laughing her ass off. Sanzo was no longer in the room, and only the dust from his departure remained.

"That little stunt might have caused irreparable psychological damage."

Gojyo shrugged while trying to catch her breath, "I already kissed him right? I might as well tease him now. He doesn't get teased nearly as much as he should, you know."

Hakkai frowned delicately. Gojyo, of course, noticed right away.

"Hey… are you JEALOUS?"

Hakkai snapped her book shut with visible irritation, "No, I am not, Gojyo," she muttered with vicious overtones, "But I think the stress of drinking the water has given Sanzo enough grief for one day." _Or one lifetime_.

Gojyo inched over to Hakkai's bed, and sat down beside the brunette, "It sounds to me like Sanzo's not the only one who's been getting grief," she said quietly. Hakkai shifted her eyes sideways to glance at Gojyo's face. She saw actual concern, and smiled.

Gojyo broke the moment, "Of course, if you want a look at my book…"

Hakkai threw her book at Gojyo's head, "Goodnight Gojyo!"

**Disclaimer**: Again….I don't own Saiyuki. If I did, I wouldn't here typing this, now would I! (headdesk)

1 You… (Japanese for "you;" usually used in place of "bastard").

2 Chaos Theory

_Aki_: Right. Anyhoo, I hope you people enjoyed this chapter a lot! Really. I hope you did. I can't give you a preview this time, because no preview has been written. Yes. Right.

_Aki_….to busy with school to breathe, eat, sleep (especially), and write. Dammit.


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